Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Monday, May 31, 2010
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
|These are my morning pills. I have to repeat the process in the evening.|
Friday, April 30, 2010
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Code of the West
Never go back on your word.
from the rule book for Cowgirls Ride the Trail of Truth.
Saturday, April 24, 2010
We wanted to show Hannah some Candler love, so we all pitched in and threw her an amazing bridal shower.
The theme was Favorite Things- instead of just buying things off a registry list, guests were instructed to bring their favorite thing and be prepared to share with the group what it was and why they selected it. This allowed poor graduate students to feel that their gift was valuable without hitting the wallet too much but mainly it was an amazing opportunity for us all to get to know each other better.
I am continually amazed by the fabulous people I go to school with. I love how open their hearts are. Hannah is not a pushy bridezilla by nature, so I worried about her getting enough love and attention. The love poured out to her today was so wonderful. The love and laughter flew freely, as did the alcohol. The games were creative and so much fun! Hannah got to be girly and giddy and silly. She was the Princess for the day, complete with sash and tiara to prove it! Yet, with the focus placed squarely on Hannah, she is still genuine and generous enough that the guests were allowed to reveal a bit of themselves too. I appreciated getting to know another side of each of the guests, learning about them in a way that I might not have otherwise.
Another thing that touched my heart so deeply was all the help that was freely given to me in pulling this party together. I am normally a control freak, which tends to create a feeling of disappointment in me when people don't succeed at the impossible goals I set for them. However, Post-Lyme has forced me to learn to ask for help, to rely on others and to trust. My faith was rewarded! Ladies, truly, you are all amazing! Thank you!!
I have posted pictures from our fabulously fun day on facebook. I hope that each person will comment on the picture with their gift and share why they choose it as their favorite thing to give Hannah. (The inspiration that went into the gifts was wonderful and I would love if you would be willing to share with everyone.)
Friday, April 23, 2010
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Monday, April 12, 2010
Saturday, April 10, 2010
Sunday, April 4, 2010
Time is a human construct. Everything is right here, right now, in this moment. While there is a past that we should learn from and a future to be hopeful for, they are also in this moment. All that you will ever need has already been given to you. You are capable of overcoming all obstacles. And this is all happening in the Here and Now.
While this essay is my own, a nod of the head to Be Here Now by Ram Dass
Friday, April 2, 2010
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Monday, March 1, 2010
Here it is, late at night, and I am beating myself up for not getting enough done this weekend. I really need to get out of my apartment if I want to get schoolwork done. Yet, in these moments great epiphanies can arrive.
I am practicing self-flagellation, which includes self-sabotage in the form of not going to bed at a reasonable hour thereby pissing even more time away that could be at least used to rest so that I can be productive tomorrow. I find myself wondering if I will ever figure out how to grow up, pondering about the nature of being a late bloomer and if this is necessarily a bad thing.
I might have also used this moment to see if an old crush was on fb. He is! Nothing like perspective to make you feel better about yourself! He lives on a boat and drinks beer (at least according to his self description.) Phew- I dodged a bullet. I might still be in school and immature (I prefer the term “childlike”) but at least I have made some type of progress in my life.
But let’s not start on “progress” (read: what the heck am I going to do 1. this summer and 2. upon graduation) as that leads me back to my downward spiral that prevents insight.
So begins my daily promise to myself: to attempt to create structure that supports me academically and emotionally. Wish me luck!
I can't help but wonder if my Dad is reading this, shaking his head. Most likely. Sorry, Dad. We can blame Mom. :)
Monday, February 22, 2010
With that being said, I still grapple with the issue of when life begins. I have placed my hand on the bellies of pregnant girlfriends and I knew that was a life in there- not just potential life. But would I have changed my mind had their fetus been stillborn? Would it have reverted back to “potential life” in my mind? These are questions I don’t know the answer to.
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Here I am in a fairly traditional seminary with a faith that is difficult to sum up, let alone categorize, which looks very different from the main party line here.
I knew going in that I did not fit the traditional mold; I took this on with intention, for many reasons. One being that my background is in social justice; I always felt like a poser telling others that being part of a minority is a livable situation when I, as a middle class white woman, had never truly been part of a minority. I wanted to see what it felt like to be in the minority. Another was that I wanted a school where issues of faith did not have to be bracketed out completely but still had a strong academic base.
In the last week or so, I have found myself removing my foot from my mouth as quickly as I can take the other one out. I try to engage my classmates from a place of respect. I know their faith looks different from mine. I know that I am very strong in my faith and that it can withstand questioning and contradiction. For these reasons, when entering into a conversation that could potentially involve contentious issues, I always give them the higher ground and do not challenge where they are. It seems that I am doing my classmate a disservice for a couple of reasons. First is, they are not seeing the full me- but a shadow cast on the wall for fear of directing my light directly at them. The second is, I am not allowing them the opportunity to grow. I’m not saying that I have all the answers, or that having a conversation with me will bring instant enlightenment; but what if I am “protecting” them from an experience they need to have?? That would be awfully selfish of me.
The issue that continues to rear its head recently is sex. I have been married twice, so yes, I have had sex. But that is not the issue here; what is the issue is talking about sex, which I am very comfortable doing. I understand that many of my classmates do not condone premarital sex; that is their belief and I respect that. One particular classmate was very troubled by a conversation I was having about a biological occurrence in men- I was trying to learn more about what their experience is like. Later I apologized to the uncomfortable classmate and let him know that I understand that he is in a very different faith place than I am, that I respect that place and that I would endeavor to show that respect in my conversations in his presence going forward.
So today I was talking about all this with another classmate who also finds herself in the minority and she (so wisely) pointed out: why do we have to always tone down who we are to fit in the mold?? Why can’t people accept us as we are? Meet us where we are instead of the reverse? She confessed that she felt almost like she was putting on act- not being true to herself. Her words resonated with me. Engraved on the inside of my pinky ring is, “Keep true to thyself.” I don’t feel that I wasn’t keeping true to myself, but even dimming the light some can lead to extinguishing it all together. Her words were my wake up call.
All these questions are rhetorical- I don’t know the answer. I doubt there is a correct answer. I do know that I will continue to stumble through life, only opening my mouth to switch feet. I honestly mean no disrespect. All I ask is that you extend me Grace.
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
So here it is, Wednesday night (my hell night for school work) so while I am waiting for inspiration to find me to assist with my academic work, I will write randomly while I tarry.
This evening, while wandering through the grocery store, I was reminded of my dear friend Mike (not his real name) who when wanting to find a certain “sweet” sister, would go looking for bread. He came up with this idea at the National Rainbow gathering in Vermont in 1991. This was long before cell phones and since we were in the backwoods part of a national forest, there were no pay phones close; this made meeting up with people quite challenging. Mike had his eye on this certain sister who was camped close to the bakery camp. He noticed that if he went looking for her, he never found her; however, if he wandered off in search of bread (which happened to be in the direction of her camp) he almost always found her.
I have been very blessed when it comes to finding men. I (inadvertently) had my first date with my second husband the day after my first husband moved out. Many of my girlfriends ask how I do it. They say all they want is to find a nice man to date. My advice is always the same, “Stop looking.” Just like my friend Mike who could never find his ladylove when searching for her but always found her when he ceased looking.
Upon leaving the grocery store I called Mike to tell him that he was on my mind. While catching up, he confessed that he felt that he had lost his mojo. I reminded him that instead of looking for a woman that he needs to look for bread. He countered with the reasonable concern that if he is not looking that he might miss “her.” I responded with a very cheesy but very applicable movie reference: Bull Durham where Nuke LaLoosh is told to breathe through his eyelids like the lava lizards of the Galapagos Islands. While one breathes through their eyelids they are able to maintain their focus yet still keep it diffuse.- therefore looking while not looking.
So to all my single friends, I wish you the best of luck looking for bread.
Sunday, February 14, 2010
The following is the first communique from a group calling itself Unitarian Jihad. It was sent to me at The Chronicle via an anonymous spam remailer. I have no idea whether other news organizations have received this communique, and, if so, why they have not chosen to print it. Perhaps they fear starting a panic. I feel strongly that the truth, no matter how alarming, trivial or disgusting, must always be told. I am pleased to report that the words below are at least not disgusting:
Greetings to the Imprisoned Citizens of the United States. We are Unitarian Jihad. There is only God, unless there is more than one God. The vote of our God subcommittee is 10-8 in favor of one God, with two abstentions. Brother Flaming Sword of Moderation noted the possibility of there being no God at all, and his objection was noted with love by the secretary.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
This is my first foray into blogging and is an experiment in exhibitionism. As the title suggests, this will be my random musings on life, love, politics, and theology- pretty much anything one is not supposed to discuss in proper company. I imagine the frequency of my postings will be in direct relation to how much schoolwork I have; so anticipate lots of posts at mid-term and finals.
Many of my friends have set the bar high in their quality blog posts. I will not attempt to live up to these standards yet; first I will attempt to just post. Similar to a writer faced with a blank page, the challenge is to get something down, even if it is not your best work. I am giving myself permission to post blurbs and quips and random things that make me giggle or provoke thought. Who knows? I guess you will just have to keep checking back to find out what I come up with.
Thank you for reading and supporting me. I hope you feel rewarded for doing so.
"She departed, she withdrew, she strode off, she broke forth." -Cicero