My Cat Has an Eating Disorder

Bandit adopted me the Fall of '08. He was a completely ferral country cat who was coming in our house and eating the cat food (we already had 4 cats). I told him that he was welcome to dine "at my table" but that I asked for kitty-love in exchange. When I tamed him, he was covered head to paw in ticks and while being a large Tom Cat, you could feel his ribs.

He was probably 5(ish) years old when I tamed him, which means that he survived on his own, never knowing where his next meal would come from for 5 years. This is a habit that he has yet to let go of. He is constantly yowling for food (and driving me mad in the process). He is now significantly overweight. The vet chides me and says to limit his food. I understand that I am putting his life at risk by feeding him, but if I don't feed him, I am also putting his life at risk (because my fiance or I might kill him). Btw- that's a joke, I would never kill my cat. I am semi-seriously considering giving him to my future sister-in-law though; a thought that breaks my heart.

He is so neurotic about food: He will be eating, there will still be food around the edges of the bowl, but if his nose touches the bottom, he starts panicking.

Until my fiance moved in with his dog, Barron, I just knew to keep food in his bowl. But now the dog (who is the same size and just as agile as Bandit) will eat the cat food if it is left unattended. Since Barron is equally as agile as Bandit, there is no place to put the cat food that the dog would not be able to access. However, I would prefer to figure out how to break my "Fat Cat" (my sis-in-law's nickname for him) of this neurotic habit.

If anyone out there has any suggestions (preferably ones that do not cost a ton of money or require a lot of discipline, as the humans are lacking in that area) I would really love to hear them.

Thank you!!

Gimme that filet-o-fish.

I come by my quirkiness honestly- my mother was an eccentric woman.

I used to have a cat named Rubin, who I loved like he was my child. No really, my first husband and I actually thought of him as our child when making decisions for him, such as: “well, since Rubin won’t require a college education, we can take a small percentage of what we would have spent on college and put it towards his expensive vet bills.” My mother fully supported this idea, of a cat as her grandchild.

Rubin was also quirky. If he followed you into the office in order to “supervise” your work, happened to fall asleep on the job and wake up to find you gone, he would yowl uncontrollably until you returned to him. A friend house-sitting once snickered when I warned her of this behavior. When I called a few days into my vacation, she told me, “I totally didn’t believe you about Rubin but you were not kidding!” “I know,” I replied.

My quirky cat had abandonment issues. When Bill and I lived in Minneapolis, we were like many newlyweds: starting out our new life together with overwhelming debt (from the wedding and moving cross-country.) Because of this, I worked three jobs while Bill worked ungodly hours as a post-doc at the University of Minnesota. My mother was concerned about (her cat-grandchild) Rubin’s mental health with his parents being absent from the home so much. She decided to purchase a motion activated, singing fish to help fill his long, lonely hours. You might recall this trendy toy from the turn of century: it looked like a trophy fish but once activated, it would lift its head off the mounting and start singing this wonderfully obnoxious song.

“Give me back that filet-o-fish.

Give me that fish.

Give me back that filet-o-fish.

Give me that fish.

What if it were you hanging up on this wall?

If it were you in that sandwich,

you wouldn’t be laughing at all.”

Since everything old is new again, McDonalds has brought back the singing fish in a new ad campaign. The last several mornings I have been awoken to the radio spot via my alarm clock, waking me to the thought of the silliness that was openly supported in my family and the love I have for my Momma and Rubin, who have both since passed.