The Parable of the Three Sons (as told by my mother)

Growing up, my mother told me a parable in order to illustrate the importance of not hoarding

money. She taught me that hoarding your money is the greatest sin.*

A father gave each of his three sons equal portions of money and sent them off into the world. The first son invested his money; the second son spent his money; and the third son buried his money in ground. Some time later the father called his sons together and asked about the status of the gift he had given them. The first son proudly reported that through wise investing, he had increased his initial amount. The father was incredibly proud of his son and told him so. The second son hung his head and told his father that he had spent the entirety of the gift. The father explained that he was also proud of him because he had spent the money and therefore helped the economy. The infusion of capital into the market helped the overall well being of their country and countrymen. The third son was pleased to report that he had the same amount that he was originally given. The father asked how this was possible and the son explained he had buried it. The father was gravely disappointed in his son and the son did not understand. The father explained that the first son had invested the money, which helps the economy of their country, and the second son spent the money, which also helps the economy, but he had buried his money which helps no one. The father explained that hoarding money and not aiding in the growth of the overall economy of his community is the greatest sin of all.

*It turns out that her parable is loosely based on the Parable of Three Servants found in both Matthew and Luke but hers has a different twist.

Taking Back the Night

This evening I spoke at Emory University's Respect Program and the Alliance for Sexual Assault Prevention's Take Back the Night Speak Out Rally. Here is what I said:

I am Allegra Knight, a Masters student at Candler School of Theology and I am a survivor.

 

When I started my Master’s program at Candler School of Theology at the age of 38, I never imagined that I would end up a victim of sexual assault by a classmate. The term “victim” is usually frowned upon but I wear it with pride. I refuse to cower or feel shame and I encourage anyone who has been assaulted to follow my lead.

I was raised by a single mother who ingrained in me strength and independence. I went to all female schools (high school and college) where we were taught how to protect ourselves. But after my divorce, I was left broken and vulnerable and even with this proper training, I still ended up with a classmate—a friend—trying to rape me and stalking me.

For months I allowed an emotionally abusive relationship to continue which culminated in him attempting to force penetration against my will. Since he had previously ignored my requests to leave me alone, I figured out how to block him via phone, text message, and online media so that even if he tried he would be unable to contact me. Despite these steps, he came to my front door uninvited on a Saturday night at 11pm, which I responded to by calling the police, who advised me to file a restraining order against him in order to protect myself. The officer hit me hard with a case of “scared straight”. He explained that this was a man who does not understand “no” and this would not stop. I saw two paths in front of me: one where I stand up and protect myself or the other where I become a statistic on the news.

I had to navigate the complicated bureaucratic systems both at Candler and within Dekalb County. I had to talk about the intimate details of my sex life with Candler’s Dean of Students and the Registrar. I went through the court system and got a restraining order against my attacker. I could not have done this without the support of my friends. The experience left me wanting to crawl under my covers never to return. But somehow, when we are on the verge of giving up, Providence steps in and catches us before we fall. My friends were there to support me; they held me up when my legs failed. Reach out to your friends, they will still love you and support you.

The more I talked about my experience, the more I learned that I was not alone. And that is why we are here today with the intention of removing the stigma of being a victim. My friend Miranda (who has twice been a victim of date rape) was so inspirational; she told me that she feels called to tell her story, so that women realize that this is not our shame to bear but that this shame belongs to our attackers. I reiterate: this is his shame, not mine. I already knew that if I did nothing and he attacked another woman that would be on my head, but after talking with Miranda I realized that I must speak up publicly about what happened; I am called to be a role model for other women. I must speak up loudly and with strength. 

I stand tall… as a victim.

His Holiness the Dalai Lama to visit Emory this October

Why I support The Visit 2013 and why you should too.

For those of you who are Facebook friends with me, you may or may not have seen my posts on the Dalai Lama visiting Emory this October. I am on the Development Committee for this visit, which benefits The Emory Tibet Science Initiative. My mother's foundation supports this cause because of its focus on uniting science and religion. Among their goals is creating open dialogue between science and religion in the hopes of "bridging two worlds for one common humanity". They accomplish this by an exchange program between Emory students (who study in Dharmasala, India) and Tibetan Buddhist monks (who come to Emory to study), translating science texts into Tibetan, and developing cognitively based compassion training. The later is ground breaking and will allow for the scientific study (replicable) of meditation in many contexts. It also puts it into a format that can be taught in many contexts such as in schools or to battered and abused women/children. To learn more about it: http://www.tibet.emory.edu/cbct/index.html.

When the Dalai Lama visited three years ago, I arranged for an Endowment Level gift and was given unbelievable access to His Holiness (including a private lunch with HHDL, Richard Gere, and 20 other people). This year's visit will focus on secular ethics in the context of our citizenship in the 21st century Global Village.

Please consider visiting Atlanta and sharing in this life changing experience with me this October! If you are unable to make it, please consider making a donation to this remarkable project and spreading the word about this opportunity.
http://www.dalailama.emory.edu/
http://www.dalailama.emory.edu/support/index.html

With love and light,
Allegra

An Interpretive Alternative to The Lord's Prayer

New Zealand Maori Prayer

Prayer at Night’s Approaching

Life-giver, Pain-bearer, Love-maker,

Source of all that is and that shall be,

Father and Mother of us all,

Loving God, in whom is heaven:

The hallowing of your name echo through the universe!

The way of your justice be followed by the peoples of the world!

Your heavenly will be done by all created beings!

Your commonwealth of peace and freedom

sustain our hope and come on earth.

With the bread we need for today, feed us.

In the hurts we absorb from one another, forgive us.

In times of temptation and test, strengthen us.

From trials too great to endure, spare us.

From the grip of all that is evil, free us.

For you reign in the glory of the power that is love,

now and for ever. Amen.

a New Zealand Maori prayer, interpreting The Lord’s Prayer  from http://www.amazon.com/Prayer-Nights-Approaching-Jim-Cotter/dp/1870652274/ref=sr_1_3?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1361229010&sr=1-3&keywords=Jim+Cotter

I originally posted this on my Tumblr account but realized that it belonged here.

An Ethic of Responsibility: The Estate Tax Debate

There are some that believe that we should sell our possessions and become homeless ourselves; Jesus himself calls for us to sell our possessions and follow him (Mk 10:21; Lk 12:33; 18:22; Mt 19:21) but I know that money equates to power and the ability to be heard within society. Chuck Collins is an example of one that takes the ethic of responsibility further than I feel comfortable with, yet he was able to maintain his power, voice, and influence.

Chuck Collins, the great-grandson of Oscar Mayer and a Unitarian Universalist, at the ripe age of 26 gave the entirety of his birthright “to foundations and groups that he knew needed funding”[1] believing it to be an important step on his journey towards creating a more just society. An article from 2003 covers his defense of the Estate Tax by starting with his early life experience, the source of his authority. Discussing his early life experience working in disadvantaged communities, such as Appalachia, we see how Collins arrived at the decision to give away his inheritance. Collins is a “radical meritocratist”[2], operating out of a responsibility ethic, who believes that each generation should start out fresh instead of inheritance allowing those of less quality to end up in positions of power based solely on the merits of their forefathers.

How far we come in a year.

It was this week a year ago that I was in a self imposed hell—swept away in an abusive relationship that I refused to find the strength to leave… until it was almost too late. Everyone around me could see the abyss I was heading towards but I refused to listen to their sage advice; instead I allowed myself to be controlled as if he were Orpheus, playing the strings of my emotions. Mindlessly I followed him as he pushed and pulled me, this way and that, almost as if he was trying the limits of cruelty I would withstand.

When he tried to rape me, I was able to fight him off and he then broke up with me. I was crushed but somewhere from the bottom of the wreckage, I screamed, “No more! Never again.” He didn’t believe me and continued to try to draw me back into his abusive games, but with the strength loaned to me from my support system, I found the strength to resist.

I spent months healing, protecting myself, and fighting to prevent this from happening to anyone else. Then, when I least expected it, I found healthy love—possibly for the first time in my life. I went from the lowest point in human relations to where I am growing and becoming better at communication, giving/accepting support, and trust.

Would I choose to go through that again? No, but I receive solace knowing how I turned it around to make myself a better person and to help others.

My gratitude abounds!

My story from last year: Standing Tall as a Victim

Standing Tall as a Victim

I am no shrinking violet, I never have been. I find it shocking that I am finding myself in this situation but here I am and I will not back down.

I am 39 years old and I am the victim of an abusive relationship with a 24-year-old classmate while in seminary. I would have never imagined something like this would ever happen to me. I was raised by a single mother who ingrained in me strength and independence. I went to all female schools (high school and college) where we were taught how to protect ourselves. But after my second divorce, I was left broken and vulnerable. That’s where he stepped in.

While preparing to defend myself and my safety by proving in a court of law a preponderance of evidence (in front of a judge and my victimizer) I was able to see exactly how he began to lay the trap that ensnared me. I am not saying he did this intentionally; I still hold out hope that he is just confused and not malicious. This crusade I took on is not an easy one; having grown up in the age of Anita Hill, I know that the first woman to take a stand is pummeled with stones. But I was given the tools to prepare me for this fight (I am imagining myself as a modern day Frodo Baggins, collecting tools that I do not understand and have no concept how I will use them but storing them away, ready to pull them out when the time comes). I have found that of all the tools I have at the ready, the most important skill I have is to reach out to my community and ask for help. If you find yourself in a similar position, please- reach out for help. 

The relationship began innocuously enough: I was seeing a fella at home who was unwilling to commit due to my being long distance. When my classmate began flirting with me via IM, I was so vulnerable and desperate for attention. I saw both of them for several months but when Valentine’s Day came around and I realized that neither man cared enough about me to acknowledge me on the holiday, I ended my relationship with both men as I felt that I was not being respected by the open, non-exclusive nature. I respectfully asked my classmate to give me the space to heal. Against my wishes, he continued to text message and instant message me. After a more than a month of unwanted contact, I asked a friend to speak to him to request that he leave me alone, to which he responded that he “got the message loud and clear,” yet two days later he was instant messaging me again.  Because I liked him and was emotionally vulnerable after settling a painful divorce, I repeatedly allowed him back into my life. I was very clear about my expectations, namely that I would not have sex with him outside of an exclusive relationship. I would get the impression (whether correctly or not) that he intended to commit to me, but when asked about it he would say that he would not commit. One time this conversation happened as he was trying to unbutton my pants.

This cycle continued until the end of the semester when he messaged me saying that he would like to be exclusive. Against my better judgment, I saw him and we ended up having consensual sex.  The relationship then blew up that afternoon; the cause is still open to debate. I was devastated and I behaved badly (including unfriending him on Facebook). He said that he saw no hope for us and we should both walk away, which I did. However, a week later he was back to messaging me again, saying that he missed me.  I was in a state of cognitive dissonance, my head knew I shouldn’t take him back but my heart was still crying out for him. Over the objections of everyone, I decided to give him one last shot; he was not willing to commit right away and asked for time to think it over, which I agreed to.

How to send off the Bride-to-be

We wanted to show Hannah some Candler love, so we all pitched in and threw her an amazing bridal shower.

The theme was Favorite Things- instead of just buying things off a registry list, guests were instructed to bring their favorite thing and be prepared to share with the group what it was and why they selected it. This allowed poor graduate students to feel that their gift was valuable without hitting the wallet too much but mainly it was an amazing opportunity for us all to get to know each other better.

I am continually amazed by the fabulous people I go to school with. I love how open their hearts are. Hannah is not a pushy bridezilla by nature, so I worried about her getting enough love and attention. The love poured out to her today was so wonderful. The love and laughter flew freely, as did the alcohol. The games were creative and so much fun! Hannah got to be girly and giddy and silly. She was the Princess for the day, complete with sash and tiara to prove it! Yet, with the focus placed squarely on Hannah, she is still genuine and generous enough that the guests were allowed to reveal a bit of themselves too. I appreciated getting to know another side of each of the guests, learning about them in a way that I might not have otherwise.


Another thing that touched my heart so deeply was all the help that was freely given to me in pulling this party together. I am normally a control freak, which tends to create a feeling of disappointment in me when people don't succeed at the impossible goals I set for them. However, Post-Lyme has forced me to learn to ask for help, to rely on others and to trust. My faith was rewarded! Ladies, truly, you are all amazing! Thank you!!


I have posted pictures from our fabulously fun day on facebook. I hope that each person will comment on the picture with their gift and share why they choose it as their favorite thing to give Hannah. (The inspiration that went into the gifts was wonderful and I would love if you would be willing to share with everyone.)