The Greatest Birthday Gift to Myself, Ever!

When I first started at Candler, I was barely able to make it from the parking lot to the classroom and only rarely had the strength to make it up the stairs to Cannon Chapel. On my 41st birthday I was able to make it from the 4th floor of the Theology building, down the stairs, through campus, all the way to Emory Village to pick up lunch... and back... in under 30 minutes! I could not ask for a better birthday gift to myself!!

I have come a long way since I first fell ill with Lyme disease: rebuilding my life from being bedridden and abandoned to a new life that includes graduate school and love. I worked very hard to get to this place and must continue in my vigilance. Through all the tears and pain, I persevered. I will continue to persevere with love, strength, and gratitude bolstering me.

Pondering Hermeneutics and Dog Training

I am currently taking an anthropology class exploring world Christianities. We began the semester by examining the terms we will use throughout the semester: meaning, belief, faith. One article we read actually explored "the meaning of meaning". Is your head spinning yet? Mine certainly is.

Barron

 

I must confess that I am a terrible dog trainer. My dog is housebroken but that is about the limit of his training. As I was pondering this new hermeneutical lexicon while walking my dog Barron, it occurred to me that this might be why I fail at training my dog. Specifically: when I tell Barron "Up!" it could mean "go up the stairs", "jump into my lap", "stand up so I can reach your collar"... well, you get the idea. How is Barron to know the meaning of "Up."? How am I to know the meaning of "meaning"?

These are the things that an over-educated graduate student ponders...

Lyme and a career path?

If all goes as planned, a year from now I will be done with school and will being working, hopefully full-time. This prospect scares the crap out of me. Not because work scares me but because my Lyme scares me. I do not make commitments that I can't keep. This makes committing to a full time job challenging. What can I do that matches my skill set but allows me flexibility for when my Lyme flares? I am a writer but I need structure, so writing from home would not work... not to mention the fact that I know the likelihood of making a reasonable living writing is as likely as winning the lotto: every one dreams big but few actually win. I could teach but that requires me being able to make it to every class, which we know I am unable to do.

How do other Lymies support themselves? How do you pay your exorbitant medical bills?

An Ethic of Responsibility: The Estate Tax Debate

There are some that believe that we should sell our possessions and become homeless ourselves; Jesus himself calls for us to sell our possessions and follow him (Mk 10:21; Lk 12:33; 18:22; Mt 19:21) but I know that money equates to power and the ability to be heard within society. Chuck Collins is an example of one that takes the ethic of responsibility further than I feel comfortable with, yet he was able to maintain his power, voice, and influence.

Chuck Collins, the great-grandson of Oscar Mayer and a Unitarian Universalist, at the ripe age of 26 gave the entirety of his birthright “to foundations and groups that he knew needed funding”[1] believing it to be an important step on his journey towards creating a more just society. An article from 2003 covers his defense of the Estate Tax by starting with his early life experience, the source of his authority. Discussing his early life experience working in disadvantaged communities, such as Appalachia, we see how Collins arrived at the decision to give away his inheritance. Collins is a “radical meritocratist”[2], operating out of a responsibility ethic, who believes that each generation should start out fresh instead of inheritance allowing those of less quality to end up in positions of power based solely on the merits of their forefathers.

The Next Generation: Think For Yourself

Will the next generation need machines to make their decisions?

I fear for the world we are creating. But more than that, I fear for the generation that will inherit it. We have systematically removed the ability to think for one's self. We are failing at preparing our children to become self-sufficient. When their parents are no longer around to think for them, to make decisions for them what will happen? Interestingly, there is apparently no antonym for "prepare", yet that is what we are doing: the opposite of preparing the next generation. We are systematically removing the ability to think for one's self.

The Republican party is supposed to be about limiting government control yet the apparently "new and improved" GOP wants to control all of our intimate life decisions. They regulate personal safety issues (such as requiring wearing motorcycle helmets or seat belts) and control a woman's ability to make decisions for her own body. It seems to me they are about letting corporations run free while forcing individuals to subjugate individual freedom of choice.

If we teach children how to achieve high test scores instead of how to figure out the answers, what are we really teaching them? Are we preparing them for adulthood? If we regulate all personal safety decisions (i.e. whether or not to wear a bicycle helmet) how are we teaching them to make wise decisions as they grow up?

I am not a conspiracy theorist (although conspiratorial thoughts do flash through my brain occasionally) I do not believe that there is some great conspiracy to create an inept generation. Yet that seems to me what is happening.

The O.S. Bond

Trying to explain the bond that O.S. girls have is a difficult task, it is abstruse in nature.  The closest analogy I can come up with is a sorority, but that does not even do it justice. We grew up together, in close quarters, surviving our most formidable and often challenging years as unit. Our bond is forged by the heat that is teenaged girls evolving together and that is one that cannot be broken.

My fiance was asking about my wedding guests, some of my fellow O.S. girls, and he asked, "when was the last time you saw her?" What he fails to understand is that it does not matter how long we have been separated, or even if we knew each other in high school--an Oldfields girl will always accept another one with open arms.

My dear friend Sarah Greenhalgh graduated seven years ahead of me. The fact that we were not on campus at the same time did not diminish the bond we felt. At her funeral, her classmates welcomed me with open arms, even though I was eight years their junior. It did not matter at all- we are Oldfields girls and we were hurting. We equally lifted our grief and mourned together, as equals.

Oldfields girls have a bond that transcends time and distance- once we are reunited, it as if we were never separated; all that is required is to catch up on the details.

OneUSA

My brilliant friend, John Hawks, came up with an amazing idea- that we the citizens, regardless of political affiliations or leanings, join together to change our broken system.

The way our system stands now, corruption is rampant. As a political science major, I have given much thought to how we, as a country, could fix this system. Sadly, I focused more on political theory than on practical politics in under-grad, so my thoughts tended towards the non-helpful area. However, some ideas that others have come up with that I thought had promise are: getting rid of the primary system and switching our presidential election to a run-off system (thereby giving 3rd parties a shot at winning); of course campaign finance reform (talk about a pipe dream!); and/or term limits. But all of these require, literally, an act of congress.

But John came up with such a brilliant idea that can implemented immediately, without legislation or the polis standing out in the cold or rain holding signs. Taken from his Facebook group "About" page:

This group will attempt to find a civil common ground we can all support. The initial premise is, that while Romney & Obama generated heated factions amongst us, we CAN come together on working to get the idiotic morons out of Congress. OneUSA believes there are four ways to identify a MORON IN CONGRESS:

1. If they ALWAYS vote party lines, they are not Voting for the USA....they are voting only for their Party.....They are MORONS
2. If they won't listen to the other arguments in a civil way, then negotiate and finally compromise....They are MORONS
3. If they claim they want smaller Government except they want Government in control of a Woman's Body......They are MORONS
4. If they manipulate the truth, fail to reveal the truth or lie......They are MORONS.

Help us to develop techniques to recognize MORONIC CONGRESSMEN and CONGRESSWOMEN.

Help us point them out to others as MORONS who need to, at least leave Congress if not our OneUSA!!

If we ALL commit to voting these "morons" out of office, things will change. Will we end up with someone who aligns with us socio-politically? Probably not. However, if everyone agrees to vote out those who only vote their party lines, who refuse to except reason or to compromise, who obfuscate the truth, or who generally act like morons, and we do this regardless of our political affiliations, then the politicians will finally realize who they are truly beholden to: the citizens of the United States of America. If politicians become more driven by fear of not being reelected than by their lust for power, then we finally stand a chance of beating back the plutocracy and reclaiming our country as OURS.

Will you join the movement? Will you commit to stand for truth and against hypocrisy where possible. Come join us in our search for the truth and share accurate information when we find it! OneUSA [https://www.facebook.com/groups/102500953234489/ ]

The Hunt for the Green Lion

My first husband was a theoretical chemist (with a fascination for alchemy). While he was working on his PhD at The University of Washington we lived on a very meager budget. What we lacked in monetary funds we made up for in creativity.

One of our favorite ways to entertain ourselves was going on a Hunt for the Green Lion. We would select a "destination" at random (for example: there was a building with interesting lights on Capitol Hill and we wanted to figure out what it was but it could be less concrete, such as finding a better shortcut or a new bar to hang out at) and we would set out on the hunt. Keep in mind, the price of gas was much lower then than it is now; now this would not be an economical way to pass the time.

Sometimes we were successful on our quest, other times not. Sometimes we would find our goal months later (such as the building on Capitol Hill- turns out it was the Seattle Asian Art Museum). It is about celebrating the journey while still focusing on the destination but not basing the success of experience on arriving.

While searching for a graphic for this post, I discovered that the green lion has alchemical ties. I do not know exactly where Bill came up with the concept or name for our hunt. I have a vague recollection of it being a Johnson family tradition. It is possible that he was inspired by alchemy. But like the Hunt itself, the path of journey is of little consequence, nor is arriving; what matters most is savoring the experience.

May you savor your Hunt for the Green Lion.

The Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act

Our governmental system is flawed. Our founding fathers, in order to prevent tyranny of the majority inadvertently created tyranny of the minority. Because of this, creating bills that can pass congress is a tricky art (and I use the word "tricky" intentionally).

The Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act or "Obamacare", as it is affectionately known, it not a good bill. It began as a great bill but in the process of adjusting it so that it could pass congress this great bill was chipped away to a pile of rubble that barely resembles the original idea. That being said, a pile of rubble is better than nothing. At least with a pile of rubble we have our foot in the door and have set a precedent. If we have nothing, well then, we have nothing.

I have Lyme disease. I was diagnosed with it in 2007. Luckily I was married to a man who owned his own business and we had great health insurance. In a stroke of bad luck for me, in 2008 my husband cheated on me. I almost had to stay married to him inorder to maintain coverage for fear of being denied due to a pre-existing condition. I reiterate: I almost had to stay married to a man who abandoned me while I was sick in order for me to keep health insurance! If it were not for the changes put in place by Obamacare, I would be trapped. That or bankrupt, which would be a much larger burden on society than PPACA.

I look forward to our elected leaders adjusting the Act so that it returns to its originally intended greatness. I pray that it is not repealed, for if it is, I do not know what would happen to me. In my opinion the best way forward is adjusting the current Act and not repealing its flawed form and starting from scratch, for I fear that if it is repealed, Big Money will prevent another bill from passing Congress.

Torn over boycotting Chick-fil-A

I love the country we live in. I love the fact that my right to decent from the popular opinion is supported in our Constitution. I love that fact that I am able to vote with the power of my dollar by supporting organizations that I agree with philosophically. I also appreciate the fact that even those I disagree with are also able to vote with their dollar and support organizations they believe in. For example: I appreciate Home Depot. There are a lot of things that I don't agree with in regards to Home Depot: they support the Republican National Convention, they are blamed for driving the independent hardware store out of business. However, due to their size, they are able to help those in need when natural disaster strikes. They are also huge sponsors of the Georgia Aquarium. But returning to their support of the RNC- if I am able to support the political party of my choice, is it not fair that others are able to support the party of their choice? Home Depot is enacting an important right that we have in this country, one that we should not take for granted nor let atrophy.

So this leaves me torn. Which do I believe in more: our inherent right to support causes of our choice or the causes themselves? I do not like the idea of my money going, indirectly, to causes I am passionately against (such as homophobia). Yet, if I am to expect my right to support my causes, doesn't that mean that we should respect others' right to support their causes?

Chick-fil-A is getting a lot of attention recently. My liberal friends are calling for us all to boycott them. Once their views on marriage equality came to light, about a year ago, I significantly cut down on the business I gave them. I could give you a long, sob story as to why I did not cut them out cold turkey but it comes down to this: at least the revenue they received from me was markedly less.

Truth be told, this could be me justifying my continued patronizing of Chick-fil-A. Yet I am left with the question: if I want the freedom to support my causes, doesn't the reverse seem important? Chick-fil-A is engaging society, supporting causes they are passionate about, and inadvertently creating important dialogue. Does this call for an all-out boycott?

An Interesting Observation

I've said it before and I will say it again: my personal views might be wrong. But something occurred to me while reading a status update from my friend Rev. Roger. He spoke of a former congregant who had been knotted up by hate- "hatred for gays, liberals, immigrants, and 'towel heads'," but after a painful divorce, the man was touched by Jesus and he allowed love into his heart. Roger noted the visible changes in the man. The man was kind to those he interacted with and seemed to be at greater peace.

When I think of those who are living in judgment of others, they are knotted up with hate. As I decide which role model to follow, am I going to follow in the footsteps of those twisted by hate or those who are at peace with the world surrounding them?

It seems to me that the proof is in the pudding and that love is the answer.

Thinking about Love and Heaven

I am a non-materialist. This is not to say that I have given away my possessions or even that I don't enjoy a good shopping spree. What I mean by the term is that I believe that everything is one, we are all interconnected energy, any separation is merely due to human perception. Those that know me know that I factitiously say that I don't believe in time or space, that they are merely human constructs, that the Universal Divine is beyond time and space. While I say it factitiously, there is truth to it.

We are all part of the Infinite, Universal Divine. What this means is that if I enact hate towards you, I am in truth hating myself. I strive towards enacting basileia in the Here and Now. Many, myself included, claim that Heaven and Hell are what you make it, that they exist right here, right now. Now what if that were true? And what if each of us chose to act out radical love in each moment? Is it possible that if we passed some unknown critical mass that Heaven would become a universal reality for everyone? That the divisions that we are perceive would disappear from our awareness?

Many will write me off as a kook. Many of the great mystics in history were (not that I would count myself among them). As I write and think about it, I suppose that you discounting me is merely me discounting myself. Do I doubt the veracity of what I have just written? The truth is: yes, I do. Part of me doubts that we have the ability to create it. I know too many humans. Humans have an unending ability to love. We also have an unending ability to fuck shit up. We engage in self-sabotage.

Given that, I suppose one of the keys to this vision is enacting radical self love.

Sometimes it is easier to love "the other" than to love ourselves. Of course, given my initial premise, by loving the other, we are loving ourselves. We have to start where we are, be patient with our current limitations but aspire towards realizing Radical Love.

Source: oprah.com via Allegra on Pinterest

"Let there be peace on earth and let it begin with me." 

My review of Snow White and the Huntsman [Spoiler Alert]

I should start by saying that I normally like almost every movie I have ever seen. There are a few notable exceptions: Wild Wild West and Strange Days, for example.

This evening I paid full price to see Snow White and the Huntsman and as a cash strapped graduate student, I am regretting the decision. This is not to say that the movie was terrible, however it was definitely one that I wish I had saved money by seeing as a matinee.

Before seeing the movie, a friend and I joked that this film would redeem Kristen Stewart from The Twilight saga. I am now thinking that it may not be the movies but the actress that is at fault. If I am wrong, Ms Stewart will need to continue to find work that will redeem her as an actress. And how does she always manage to end up in awkward love triangles??

The movie is very very beautifully shot and this is one of its redeeming characteristics but also part of its downfall- the lengthy scenery shots began to have a self-important feel to them, as if the director thought it was a great art-house film instead of a Hollywood blockbuster (wanna be). A lot of this movie could have been left on the editing room floor.

Charlize Theron is amazing as always and even the terrible script could not hold her down. (In my opinion, this is the mark of a great actor: their talent can shine through even the worst of scripts.) Chris Hemsworth (of Thor fame) has a lengthy speech towards the end of the film and all I could hear was my 8th grade English teacher, Mrs McPherson, saying, "Show!! Not tell!!" The script left a lot to be desired.

[Spoiler Alert!!] My very favorite part of the film was the ending: Snow White triumphs and succeeds to the throne... alone. I was so relieved that the filmmakers didn't crap on their film by having Snow choose one of her suitors to be king but instead opted to allow her to demonstrate strength and independence (as well as allowing the viewer to imagine the plot continuing instead of spoon feeding it to us).

As a side note, I don't think I have ever checked my watch as many times during a movie as during this one. I had to fight the desire to pull out my phone and tweet about how bored I was; the only reason I didn't was out of respect to my fellow movie patrons, who sadly also paid full price.

In my mind...

In my mind I am Jessica Rabbit. 

But I fear that in reality, I am Pippi Longstocking. 

A Zen Koan on non-attachment and thoughts [updated]

"If you own a teacup that is very precious to you, you have two choices: you can be obsessively careful with it, and live in fear that you'll drop it, or someone will chip it, or an earthquake will come and it will fall out of the cabinet. This object, intended to bring you pleasure, can become a burden.

Or, you can imagine that it is already broken -- because in an important sense, it is. It's sure to break someday, just as you're sure to die and the universe is sure to come to an end. Then, every time you drink from the cup will be a pleasure, a gift from the gods, a special reunion between you and something you had lost. You will be sure to appreciate every chance you have to use it, but having already said goodbye you will not need to use it with fear."


When I read this to Jeff, he went to the fatalist extreme, asserting that if this is the case, then why not commit suicide now, if all is already lost? Non-attachment is not about grieving over what is lost, it is about celebrating the joy when it is found. And knowing that moment will not last. Practitioners who have mastered mindfulness (of which I am not one) are so immersed in the moment that the moment prior and the one to come are not relevant. Whether the teacup exists in the next moment does not matter (or whether or not it existed in the moment previous) what matters is that in this moment the teacup exists and that is what is to be celebrated.

I used to hide $5 bills in my pockets. Obviously I knew I had done it. And the money was always mine. Yet imagine the joy I experienced upon reaching into my pocket and finding money!! While it seems a bit counter intuitive to use money as an example of non-attachment, to me that moment is what this koan is addressing.