A prayer we can all relate to...

From St. Teresa of Avila:

Lord,
Thou knowest better than I myself
that I am growing older and will someday be old.
Keep me from fatal habit of thinking
I must say something on every subject and on every occasion.

Release me from craving to
straighten out everybody's affairs.

Make me thoughtful but not moody;
helpful but not bossy.

With my vast store of wisdom,
it seems a pity not to use it all;
but Thou knowest, Lord,
that I want a few friends at the end.
Keep my mind free from the recital of endless details;
give me wings to get to the point.

Seal my lips on my aches and pains;
they are increasing, and love of rehearsing them
is becoming sweeter as the years go by.

I dare not ask for improved memory,
but for a growing humility and a lessening cock-sureness
when my memory seems to clash with the memories of others.
Teach me the glorious lesson that occasionally I may be mistaken.

Keep me reasonably sweet, for a sour old person
is one of the crowning works of the devil.

May we learn to celebrate our cracks

When I was younger, I planned to grow old gracefully, to celebrate my laugh lines and wrinkles as testaments to a life well lived. However, as growing old becomes more reality than theory, I struggle with vanity and ego. Intellectually, I know how I want to be, however my ego interrupts my intention. I just saw the above post on Facebook and I am once again re-inspired to celebrate my journey and all the scars that stand as testament to it.

May we all learn to celebrate our cracks and fill them with gold.

I'm back!

It’s been over a year since I posted last. It’s been a bit of a rough year- mainly it’s a Lyme thing. Stupid Lyme.

A year and a half ago I fell ill with pneumonia (due to my suppressed immune system because of the Lyme) and as it turns out, I was likely having micro strokes. I lost some of my ability to read and write, which terrified me. Pre-Lyme, I always felt confident that I would always be able to rely on my intelligence and for that to be taken from me was too scary. Luckily I have an amazing support system. They helped me get through the semester and then helped me figure out the medical support so I could work towards recovery. This Fall I began neural feedback, which has helped tremendously! I have found my cognitive abilities that the Lyme took away from me are beginning to return to their previous strength. I even think that I might end up stronger cognitively because of this process; I don’t expect it but I am hopeful. Another unexpected benefit was the return of my immune system. I always knew that I would be able to “muscle” my way back to strength and stamina, that those were aspects of my overall health that I had some semblance of control over. To have my immune system rebound is truly a miracle!

I began several posts in the last year that I never finished writing or bothered to post. I am resolved to change this. My writing quality may not be what it was previously but I will release attachment to my ego and post. It has been said that something that is 90% perfect and published is better than something that is 100% perfect and not published. Well, you all might have to settle for 75% perfect at this point.

I look forward to actually writing again.