A Gleeful Day!

Today has been a good day! Starting with the end and working backward: Shayanna threw a wonderful Glee party (I got my Glee cherry popped,) where I finally got to introduce Hannah to my Praxis peeps. I was able to have some quality Hannah time before she leaves to go home for the summer. I got a surprise package containing fabulous looking Smartwool socks and wind chimes from my BFF Bobi. I had a wonderful active yoga session (the first active session since I got pneumonia.) I have released attachment to salvaging this semester. (Pray, but row for the shore.) I thought I had gotten past the cognitive deficits of the Lyme but they seem to have returned when I got pneumonia. I might still be able to save one class but I am working towards not beating myself up if I have to withdraw from all my classes. I am continuing to try to break-through this brain fog- still writing and trying to read. I got an encouraging email from one of my professors. I am still tired and coughing a lot, but I made it to class today! On Thursday I leave to go home to Maryland for my 20^th high school reunion. Now- bed.

True Confessions

In less than a week, I will be at my 20th high school reunion. I am normally very secure about my appearance, occupation, activities, etc even though the current circumstances of my life would push most women to neurosis. However, all of sudden I am finding myself obsessing over grooming and appearance. Wondering if I am skinny enough? Whitening my teeth, worrying about breaking a nail (really? Me, worry about my nails?)


These women are like my sisters- that is the nature of what happens in a small girls boarding school, we become family. I am sure there are some who disliked me, always have always will. But the ones who love me, love me for me- always have and always will. They don't care if my nails are perfect or my teeth are white.

I guess this is my public confession that I too am but an insecure girl inside, looking for love and acceptance and approval.

It is all relative

Perhaps it is because my 20^th high school reunion is next week, but I am finding myself using hindsight in new ways.

In 8^th grade I started attending boarding school. My dorm parent and advisor, Miss Beers, seemed so old to me, so wise and so experienced. While waxing reminiscent, it occurred to me that she was probably just out of college; it turns out that she was a mere 22 years old at the time.

I wonder how I would have handled the challenges presented to my teachers if I had to face them at such a green age. At the time I resented their reaction to my acting out, but now with this new insight, my empathy grows. They were so young to address so many complicated situations and relationships. My young teachers were no older than my current classmates.

So here I am about to attend my 20^th reunion, rapidly approaching 40 and I am looking both forward and back. While discussing Buddy Guy with a young classmate last night, she insisted that someone so OLD couldn’t possibly still be living. For the record, he is only 73. And this leads me to the shocking realization that I am using “73” and “only” in the same sentence. 25 years ago I thought 22 was old, now I making an argument that 73 isn’t that old and I think that my 24 year old classmates seem so young to me.

Fortezza, Umilitade, e Largo Core - Courage, Humility, and Largeness of Heart

I spent five years in a private girls boarding school whose motto is: Fortezza, Umilitade, e Largo Core - Courage, Humility, and Largeness of Heart. During my misspent youth, I did not embrace this idea fully but it planted itself deeply in me and began to germinate, waiting for the right moment to sprout.

I was at Oldfields School during my formative years (8- 12 grade.) I was not always happy there and for years after I did not look back at it fondly. As my 20 year reunion approaches and I am reconnecting with school mates (particularly via Facebook) my self-imposed wounds are healing. In their place I am finding gratitude. Though I resisted at the time, I was given so many wonderful tools, which I use so often now. The greatest of these is our school motto, which I endeavor to live up to everyday.

Thank you for all you have given me.